Why I Choose Travel and Adventure Over Having Children

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I’m standing in front of the post office counter in disbelief. I have no idea how to respond. She presses me again, “Why not?”, insistent in her need to know the answer and I crumble; begin justifying myself. “We love our life, we love to travel, we don’t have the savings…” on and on I drone until even I know I’m talking rubbish.

I leave the post office, face aflame with embarrassment, and note that this isn’t the first time I’ve had this awkward conversation, and I doubt very much that it will be the last.

I’d been talking to an acquaintance, the mother of my sister’s friend from school. Someone I haven’t seen or spoken to for around fifteen years, but we recognised each other instantly. Whilst running the errand, I’d gone into the post office to get some currency for our trip to Uzbekistan – I was happily surprised when I got to the front of the queue and saw her working there.

We chatted for a few minutes as she counted the currency. I congratulated her on recently becoming a grandmother. She returned the congratulations as she said she’d seen on social media that I got married a few years before.

In the midst of our polite conversation, she said “Not long now until you’re starting a family of your own then”, along with a conspiratorial grin. When I responded with, “Oh no, Tom and I don’t want children”, I hoped that would be the end of the conversation.

Her face dropped as quickly as if I’d slapped her. Her immediate response was to ask me “Why?” whilst pinching her face into a puckered frown. I could tell she was truly puzzled. I wanted to laugh and tell her I didn’t need to explain myself, but instead, I found myself justifying our decision.

Once I’d finished my stumbling tirade of ‘reasons’, she handed over the currency and shared her wisdom by explaining, “Well, you’re still young enough to change your mind.”.

I was outside before her parting quip actually sunk in. Shocked at the exchange and furious that I’d been expected to explain our decision to forego having children, as well as it then being inferred that I was immature in the decision I’d made, I went to my car and sat for a few minutes to calm down.

I felt demeaned, humiliated and shamed. I decided then and there that I would never feel this way about my decision again.

Prioritising The Life I Want – Travel and Adventure Over Having Children

This has been a very personal journey for me. Choosing not to have children has enabled me to let go of the expectations of society, understand what it is I actually want from life and chase after that as fast as I can.

I feel extremely lucky and very humble to be able to say that I’m happy with my life. I live a nomadic lifestyle and work remotely as a digital nomad. I’ve found a partner who wants the same things as me from life. We both prioritise a life full of travel and adventure over routine and conventionalism.

We want to explore as many places as we can, see things with fresh eyes, play like children, lose ourselves in our surroundings and soak up every ounce of life that we can. Having designed our dream lifestyle, we then chose careers that fit around it. We work so that we can live.

Children don’t currently fit into our dream lifestyle. We move around a lot as we travel full-time. We don’t have a permanent base and got rid of most of our possessions years ago.

We now do housesitting and look after other peoples’ pets full-time – so we’re receiving lots of love from animals wherever we go. I get so attached to some of the pets and sometimes treat them like they’re my children! And they don’t have tantrums or answer back, so it’s perfect.

Personally, I don’t see us ever having children. We love travel and adventure too much to give it up, but we also wouldn’t want to do home-schooling or raise kids on the move. Kudos to those who do that, but it’s just not for us.

Read More from Jess: How I Went From Investigating Major Crime to Full-Time Housesitter

A Woman Brought Up By Strong Women – Did This Influence Me?

I was fortunate to be brought up in a generation that encouraged women to do whatever they wanted. Growing up, I lived with my mother and sister and we were very open about things like periods, contraception and relationships. 

My mum was an incredible role model for two young girls. She raised me and my sister with no financial support, worked multiple jobs to pay the bills and trained to be a nurse in her forties. It is because of her that I grew up to be a strong, determined and independent woman, knowing that I could choose the life I desired.

I knew from a young age that I didn’t want children. Girls at school spoke of their future partners and families in a sort of day dream, when all I could think about were seeing giant panda’s in China or the wonders of the world. When I was a young woman I noticed that other women would coo over babies and gravitate towards toddlers but all I did was tolerate them.

I went to an all-female secondary school which strengthened my belief in the power that women held. I was surrounded by women – my friends were women, my family were women, my teachers were primarily women.

It has been difficult for me to process and admit that most people that enquire after my childless choice are other women. I’d like to say I can rise above the feelings that are stirred up when my choice is questioned, but it still gets under my skin. Perhaps even more so because I get these queries from other women and often because they are women that I am close to.

A Different Perspective – Children And Family As The Woman’s Role

My experience is based wholly on Western society, as I was born in the United Kingdom and have primarily lived in Europe. However, as a full-time traveller and adventurer I am aware that this geographical area makes up a small section of the wider world and that customs, culture and religions around the world are varied on this subject.

In some cultures and religions, starting a family is tradition and considered ‘the woman’s role’. Making the decision not to have children would see these women abandoned by their family and friends; outcast by society.

Others around the world do not have access to medical assistance or contraception, and so unless they choose celibacy, they have no real protection against motherhood. A lack of education and resources means that many women begin having children from a young age.

For many societies around the world, there is no real “choice” for women on whether or not they have children. They do not have autonomy over their bodies or lives and are not empowered to make this decision. Having the capacity, prerogative and authority to make this choice is a privilege that I do not take for granted.

Read More: NOAD, the Digital Nomad’s Dream Housing Swap Service

A Western Shift – More People Choosing To Be Childless

More recently it feels as though there has been a shift in Western society. There are more people choosing not to have children. There are myriad reasons for this shift.

Some people simply don’t like children. Others may not want the financial or emotional burden. Some people are entirely happy with their lives without being a parent. Some people want to prioritise their career over family life, although in modern times it should be more accessible for people to have both a strong career and family life.

Changes in society also play a factor here. Personally, I believe that I’d struggle to bring up children in the digital age that we now live in. My generation was the last of children without technology.

Looking back now, I’m so glad I had a childhood with limited access to digital devices. Meeting people in person gave me great social skills and confidence.

For many people that now work remotely their lifestyle options have opened up massively. They no longer need to be in a static location, such as an office, to do their job. Because of this, society has seen the rise of the digital nomad whom seeks travel and freedom alongside their working life. Children do not easily slot into this lifestyle.

Another concern for many is climate change; the very real concern over future generations’ existence and whether continued breeding is sustainable. For younger generations, it’s becoming more practical to change perspective and decide whether they do want children, rather than whether they don’t.

Regardless of the multitude of circumstances that have driven people to the decision to remain childless, it is fundamentally, nobody else’s business.

I respect women that choose to have children and I respect women that choose not to have children. I encourage women in their choices, whatever they are. As long as they are happy, I tend not to pass judgement on their personal journey.

I believe that such personal subjects should be discussed with support and encouragement at their centre. No one should be made to feel that their decisions are being questioned.

Focus your energies on empowering and congratulating women on their choices. Many of you will already be doing this naturally and easily, but for others, it may take time to understand and grow. Being guided by your heart is usually a good path to follow.

I’ll be over here encouraging women to do whatever it is they want to do with their lives, children or not. I urge you to do the same.

Read More:

• From Police to Pets – How I Went From Investigating Major Crime to Full-Time Housesitter
• One, Many, All: Hawaii’s Human Mosaic
• World Snapshots: The Sworn Virgins of Albania

Author Bio: Jessica Holmes has always had a passion for travel. Having lived nomadically for many years, from backpacking to van life, she struggled with the environmental impact of a high-intensity travel lifestyle and looked for a greener alternative. She found housesitting, which led her to quit her dream job as a police investigator and travel around the world full-time. She is now a writer and digital nomad. Her book about her journey so far; The Housesitter’s Guide to the Galaxy, is available on Amazon and Waterstones online. Her blog www.hitchedandhiking.com documents her travels. Follow her on Instagram @hitchedhikingandhousesitting.